Your Inner Child

Who’s Really Calling the Shots…You or Your Inner Child?

You may think you’re in charge…

but your inner child may be controlling more things than you realize.

We all have an inner child that is actively running things behind the scenes.

Their job is trying to keep you safe, based on events that happened in your early days.

And to make matters even more confusing, you may have a pack of inner kids playing with the controls!

How your inner child was created

Due to circumstances in your young life, a part of you was made to feel bad, wrong, or guilty for being who you are and simply expressing yourself and enjoying being a kid.

You may have been yelled at or punished for having fun or doing something that did not warrant the negative reaction you received.

You may even have experienced abuse of some kind.

As a result, your younger self formed a belief about who you are because of this event.

You now judge yourself as unlovable, bad, or not good enough. Sometimes, when this happens, an energetic or emotional aspect of you “splits off.” It hasn’t left; it’s still there within you, connected to you, and still very active in your life. Only it is active behind the scenes, usually on an unconscious or non-cognitive level.

Often, traumatic events create a version of you frozen in time when the event happened. Some common catalysts for creating a wounded Inner Child are:

Living with parents or people who were alcoholics, drug addicts, or abusive (physical, psychological, emotional, and sexual)
Experiencing persecution and harsh or hostile people and environments (school teachers, religious instructors and ministers, authority figures, community, peer pressure, fighting, conflicts, poverty, etc.
Sometimes, a parent or loved one did or said something that you interpreted to mean you were bad, not good enough, stupid, or a whole host of other beliefs that weren’t truth

You may have multiple inner children if you’ve experienced traumatic or intense events at different stages of your life. When the child can’t process or cope with what is happening to them, a part of them checks out.

How do you know you have an inner child?

You act out as soon as you get triggered
You tend to react rather than respond to situations
You throw tantrums
You do and say and think things for no logical reason
You have fears and insecurities that keep you stuck
You don’t trust
You people-please
You pout
You withdraw or hide
You lash out uncontrollably
You slip into a downward spiral and feel out of control
You still use the same coping skills that you did as a child

In each of these situations, it is most likely that one or more of your inner children is showing up and acting out.

You may have been functioning as your adult self, but the moment someone does or says something that triggers you, BAM, the child kicks you out of your rational mind and into autopilot, where they can control your actions and reactions. It tends to get messy.

What does my Inner Child want or need?

To be loved, accepted, and approved of “as is”
To believe that they are enough (instead of too much or not enough)
To feel like they matter
To know that people care about them
To stop feeling wrong or broken
To feel supported by the adult version of you
To be seen and heard
To have their feelings and experiences validated
To feel better about themselves
To feel safe and protected

Whether you’ve had trauma in your life or led a fairly “normal” life, you may still have an inner child running around trying to control and manage things. This all goes on subconsciously or unconsciously.

Finding out what your inner child needs can be a huge step in healing your life, especially from self-sabotage.

You see, your precious inner child has unexpressed emotions, feelings, and beliefs about who they are, and that has become part of your programming. And this programming determines how you will act and react to everything in your life unless you alter it.

When you get triggered, pause and ask yourself:

“What is this really about?”

“What do I really need or want?”

“What am I afraid of?”

Then give your Inner Child what you wish someone gave to you when you were feeling bad about yourself. Start building a bridge to healing your precious child within.

The safety and survival aspect is very strong in people who have had traumatic experiences in their lives, especially around any form of abuse. The hurt and scared child within wants to feel loved, safe, protected, and good about themselves.

Ultimately, the Inner Child wants to be reintegrated into the adult self.

Here are a couple of techniques you can use to connect with and re-integrate your inner child (or inner kids, as the case may be!).

Inner Child Healing Exercises

Engaging with and Integrating Your Inner Child

1. Sense Where Your Inner Child is

Take three deep breaths and relax. Feel or sense into where your inner child is residing. It may be inside your body or outside.

If you feel it is inside, it might be living in a chakra, an organ, or in a specific part of your body.

If you feel it is outside of your body, notice if it feels close or far away.

Trust whatever insight you get while doing this.

Sometimes, it helps to imagine the inner child you are connecting with as a color.

That removes the emotional aspect you might have to connecting with this version of you.

You are simply assigning this child a color and then finding where that color is within your body or energy field.

2. Dialog with Your Inner Child

Once you have a sense of where your inner child is, open a line of communication.

In the event that you feel you may have multiple inner children, work with one at a time unless they come forward as a group.

Working with them one at a time provides clearer communication of needs, fears, and potential solutions.

You can imagine you are having a verbal conversation or a silent (telepathic) conversation with your inner child. Choose whichever feels right to you.

Say hello or greet them in some way. Acknowledge that you are aware of them now and that you are an older version of them. Tell them you love them and miss them.

Questions to ask and things you might say to your inner child during this stage:

How are you feeling?
What would help you feel better?
How can I help you?
Are you feeling alone?
Would you like to rejoin with me?
What can I do to help you?
What do you need?
Why did you choose this place to stay?
Would you like to come back inside and join me? (if they are outside your body)
Would you like to move from where you are and move into my heart?

Reassure the child and show understanding and compassion for their situation

I want you to know how very sorry I am that this thing happened to you. You must have been very scared and angry.
I am so sorry you were hurt like this. I wish I were able to change that experience for you. So you didn’t need to break away from us.
We survived this experience. And I’ve grown up and feel more powerful and capable. I’d love for you to come back and rejoin me. I can protect you now. And I love you.
Would you like to relocate from where you are and move into my heart, where you will always feel loved?
I love you, I accept you, I appreciate you, I cherish you, I want you to know how much you mean to me and that you are safe now.

Ask again about what the child needs and what they want you to know

Acknowledge anything you find out from your inner child (fears, judgements, situations, emotions, feelings, and so on)
Allow your inner child to express through you. They may want ice cream or to color. Remember you are building up a trust between you.
You may need to prove to your child that it is ok to rejoin you and trust you and feel safe again.
You may also need to show your inner child that you are paying attention to their needs. You might agree to do something each day that your inner child would like to do

3. Re-Integration of Your Inner Child – Phase 1

Give your Inner Child what you wish someone gave to you when you were feeling bad about yourself. Start building a bridge to healing your precious child within.

Keep reminding them how much you love them and reassure them that they are safe. Forgiveness is also part of this stage.

Face each thing you uncover, no matter how scary or uncomfortable it makes you feel
Allow each emotion to move through you and out in a healthy way
Only focus on one or two things or emotions at a time. No reason to overwhelm yourself!
Accept that whatever happened has happened.
Take responsibility for your role and give accountability to others for their part.
When you feel ready, forgive yourself for acting, thinking, or feeling the way that you did. And forgive the others involved as well. Remember, forgiveness ends the energy connection. It does not mean that you are in agreement with what happened, you no longer wish to let it impact your life in a negative way.

4. Re-Integration of Your Inner Child – Phase 2

You might want to do a little ceremony with this. Light a white candle, ask angels to assist you, have nice music playing, burn incense or essential oils, and place crystals or gemstones around you.

Welcome the child into your heart.
Imagine you opening your heart to them and sending them love.
Invite your inner child to rejoin with you and to collaborate and work with you as one.
Invite your inner child to make you aware, in a healthy way, whenever they feel threatened and to openly share messages with you.
Then imagine your Inner Child is moving into your heart. Feel the energy move there. Place your hand on your heart and breathe into it.
Offer gratitude to your inner child for agreeing to rejoin with you. You might imagine you are embracing each other. Feel warmth and love and appreciation for your inner child.
Let them know that you are so happy to have them back again, and you look forward to reconnecting with the dreams, joys, curiosity, wonder, and innocence that they can help you with now.

When your inner child stops being needy of attention and knows that it is connected to the whole of you and all creation, it restores its trust in life.

Joy bubbles up; dreams, ideas, and imagination flow; anything is possible. This is a place of deep and creative power. Magic.

The next exercise comes from one of my favorite mentors…

The Inner Child Power Pause

(by Elyse Hope Killoran)

Here’s a Healing Exercise from one of my teachers that you can do anytime you’re feeling your inner child stirring or acting out in a fearful or dysfunctional way.

Hummingbirds are wonderful representations of the Inner Child's presence.

A hummingbird's power to fly right, left, up, down, backwards (and even upside down), as well as to hover comes from the fact that they flap their wings in a figure 8 (Mobius) pattern.

Inner Child 2-minute Power Pause:

Draw figure 8s in your energy field using your finger or hand (or a crystal point). Draw these figure 8s in the air all around you, connecting all levels of the aura from below the waist to above the head. You can draw them as large or small as you like. There is no wrong way to do this. Drawing these figure 8s activates joy in the extraordinary meridians—the radiant circuits of the body.
Feel bursts of joy and laughter of the inner child...let it be spontaneous...feel your presence expanded and open to the environment.
End by tapping your 6th chakra point (third eye, located in the center of your forehead, between the eyebrows. Tap firmly but gently for about 20 seconds while breathing deeply through your nose and exhaling out the mouth. Tapping at your third eye will direct this vibrant energy to leave an imprint on your entire nervous system, thereby making it easier for your body to support that vibration.
End with gratitude of the gift of being able to co-create your life.

~~~

If you’d like some help with healing your inner child, I am here for you! I can help you to access your Inner Child (or children) and uncover what they need in order to let go of the fear-based reactionary controls they use over you and help you make peace with the kid within.

You can book an Intuitive Counseling session with me and request we focus on the Inner Child.